Split Atom Recycler

Tampa Fl.- Area Recycler Rich Bossmund has discovered a unique way of recycling split atoms. Bossmund, a G.E.D. graduate from M.I.T, recently released photos of his split atom recycling facility and explained a little about the procedure.


Split Atom Recycling Facility

I can’t explain too much. It’s atomic confusion. In layman terms I basically collect broken atoms from the particle accelerator and put them back together. The particle accelerator people buy them back and split them again. We had some problems early on. The first batch of atoms I reconstructed were unstable and kept splitting apart.

After a lot of tests I developed a two part epoxy bonding agent to adhere the neutrons and protons. Once you keep the nucleus together the electrons hang on.

There are still a few Quarks in the system. Some atoms weigh a ton. It’s all that anti-matter. There’s a lot of heavy equipment involved and we spend a lot of time on research and development. One day I hope it explodes in to something enormous.”

When ask how he came up with the split atom recycling idea Rich Bossmund had this to say. “One night I was trying to think and nothing happened. That’s when I realized everything I know about split atoms could fit on the head of a pin. It all just radiated from there.

The thing is 1/2 atoms are everywhere. Sure the accelerator supplies large amounts of split atoms but we could fill more orders with the help of street people. There is talk of doing a “buy-back recycling program” similar to some State’s Aluminum Can recycling, although he hopes the Government stays out of the picture and let economic markets dictate the price.


Split Atoms

Currently our facility would pay up to $.85 PER POUND for atomic waste needing to be reunited. This is over twice the price of aluminum cans and since they don’t take up much space, the homeless could haul a great deal more in their shopping carts without the smell.” I think the Atom Recycling program is great!” said Al “Crush” Kanze. “It use to take me up to 3 hours to get enough cans to afford a fresh bottle of Thunderbird, with the price of ½ used atoms, I can get my wine in half the time and give me enough time to relax on the park bench.” Kanze also stated that “I am seriously thinking of taking the shopping cart back to the grocer and start working with a back pack and maybe a brand new used Huffy!” When ask why he preferred the split atom recycling program over the aluminum can program, Bob Duran, Cuban street junkie, said “No Mass”.

When Rich Bossmund was question about atomic waste produce at his split atom recycling center he had this reply.” Of course they’re considerable quarks and other sub-atomic-by-product. Presently we box and store them on site. Adam Coupler, recycling plant forklift driver stated that he loved his job.


Adam Coupler

“There are only 4 things to know about recycling atoms,” stated Coupler. Electrons on the left, Protons on the Right, Neutrons in the middle, Payday’s Friday!  “Plus,” added Coupler, “We don’t need a night light anymore, since I tend to glow in the dark now. Of course I can’t seem to get any of my VCR tapes to work anymore.”

Rich Bossmund concluded,” I’m ecstatic at the success. But some times my hair stands on end. I just hope one day the whole universal thing doesn’t collapses in on its’ self. That would be a dark hole to climb out of.

by  Chas Laser &  Rich Bossmund


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